Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Fateful Ride (unedited) - Contributed by Wen Qi

What did you learn from this piece of writing? How would you apply what you learn from this piece of writing in your own writing?

Whenever I saw my school bus, I would recall the fateful ride three years ago. As I think of it, tears started to flow down as I thought of my dear friends who perished.

Taking home an examination paper with flying colours was the was the happiest end result of a year's hard work and sweat. I hoped on the school bus and saw a concoction of glum and joyful faces on my bus mates.

Five minutes later, the bus started moving and set-off to our respective dropping points. Simultaneously, gloomy dark clouds started to settle and a lightning flashed, followed by a deafening loud thunder. As soon as the thunder halted, torrential rain began to fall from the sky. The onslaught of the rain seemed never ending, giving me a uncomfortable feeling.

As the school bus was cruising along T.P.E., I saw one bolt of lightning striking a tall tree. That tree was instantly charred and slowly fell onto the tarmac. My school bus was travelling at 60km/h and it would be impossible to come to a halt within a distance of 100 metres. Every soul on board including me began to shout our lungs out. I was so terrified, I closed my eyes, thinking of my family and friends. At the same time, I could hear the tyres screeching and turn turtle on the road.

It all ended with the loudest bang I ever heard, sounding like an exploding atomic bomb. Just after that, there was an eerie silence that sent chills down my spine. Burnt bodies and unconscious friends were lying on the floor everywhere. Just as I was about to give up hope, I suddenly heard John, my friend calling with a very weak voice, " James! James! Call the ambulance now! The bus is going to blow up soon! Hurry up!" Not wasting a second, I scrambled, although limping to my school bag, to find my mobile phone in order to call for emergency help. While I was calling, the unmistakable foul smell of diesel was picked up by me, This was when my palms turned sweaty and sticky.

But to my relief, paramedics arrived in less than five minute time. The medics began evacuating and finding survivors and I was pulled to safety. I began shouting so loud that my vocal cords were vibrating ," John is still trapped in the wreckage! Hurry and save him!" My efforts only managed to capture one of the firefighter's attention.

Without and further any ado, the brave firefighter went into the thick of the action. Although the rain was still pounding on us, the firefighter was still able to find John quickly. He was in a pool of blood. Mustering courage, I assisted the firefighter by pulling away rubble. We grabbed his hands together immediately and he held onto ours for his dear life. We made it out eventually with our sheer effort and determination despite the hampering of the rain.

Moments after, John was pulled to the safety zone, a fireball engulfed the entire school bus, and the searing heat was intensifying. John was loaded onto a stretcher and was air-lifted to the hospital for treatment. I received treatment for minor burns and cuts on site. John was however not as lucky as me, he needed an operation as he had limb' fractures and excessive inhalation of toxic smoke. As a result, he had to be warded for a week.

As the rain was still pouring, I went home with a heavy heart, praying for John's blessing. True enough, my prayer was answered. John had a speedy recovery.
After this incident, the government passed a law to install seat belt on all private buses. Frankly speaking, John and I were a pair of lucky duo to survive the ordeal. Since this incident, I cherished the true values of friendship and it opened a new chapter of my life.

25 comments:

  1. Wen Qi's composition is a really good one. He has included excellent vocabulary, some of which I never knew existed(:P) and I really enjoyed reading it.

    Bhairavi Buddhamurthy

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  2. Wen Qi's composition has many vocabularys for me to learn from lots of words that i had never learnt before. After reading his composition, I learnt a lot of new vocabulary.

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  3. Although there are still a few grammar mistakes,I still find the story very descriptive.It contains a rich amount of vocabulary i can learn from.Also,it is very exciting.
    Matthias

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  4. I feel that this compo's context is really good and there are also many good vocabulary that I can learn from it.
    Jonathan Yeo.

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  5. I find his composition is very interesting and has very good vacobulary. I learnt alot from it. Reading it is simply exhilarating!

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  6. Nice compo! It has lots of good vocabulary and I didn't even know some. His ideas are creative and original too.

    Maisarah

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  7. I find his composition interesting and eye-catching,it makes me feel statisfying just to read finish the story and i think it is really a good one.I learnt a few good vocabulary and how to apply them in my story.

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  8. This composition had alot of vocabulary that I have to learn and try as much as possible to include them in my writing.Even though the story is too long I found that this is the best compo ever that I ever read...
    Ayisha

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  9. I find Wen Qi's compo very interesting and he uses many good vocabulary. I learnt many new vocabulary words that I had never know before and how to apply it on my compo.

    Cai Leng

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  10. I did not know that there were all this good vocab. This story makes me learn that we should cherish our friends even more. This story has a valuable meaning on friendship. Nice story.

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  11. The comment before this is Gregory's. :)

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  12. I think that the story is very good and filled with many good vocab. But, I have to ask. Is the main character injured? How bad are his injuries? How is that so when there are dead people on the bus but the main character is still conscience?

    Ivan

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  13. I think that this story is very detailed. This story is also very interesting as it is filled with good vocabulary and phrases.

    Celine

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  14. I think the story was able to captivate the reader as much as I was. His story has many good vocab. I have also learned ways to improve my composition and apply it to my next composition. Overall I find his compo very interesting and exciting.
    Khoo Xin Hui

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  15. I think that although there are a few mistakes of grammar and spelling mistakes, the content of this compo are very explicit and captivating and many good vocabulary are used.
    Valencia Tan

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  16. This story brings up some touching moments. And it does not have any anti-climate. The writer is very descriptive and has clearly elaborate the story.

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  17. Oops...The previous comment is from Brian Tang

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  18. This story was very captivating for people to read as it has alot of good vocabulary that i don't even know.
    Jae Shin

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  19. Composition is well written and smooth. Alot of good phrases.
    Jing Shen

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  20. i think that Wen Qi's composition is filled with wonderful vocabulary.He applied most of the phrases from our past practice paper.he creates a happy beginning then a suspense in the middle. his ending was a happy one which rounds the story together. Brilliant effort!!
    Henny Maherah

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  21. the starting was very boring to me but luckily i continued ready the story was very good and there are many good vocabulary words, it also pushed me to continue reading. i was dissapointed to realise that the ending was as boring as the start. evertheless, i feel that wen qi has put in effort in this compo and now, i finally realised that he is able to put in effort. Xp
    -kyan

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  22. I love the story and the story is very interesting.

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  23. Wen Qi's compo has alot of good vocab and rarely does dead wood appear .We can learnt good vocab and phrases from his compo.

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  24. Oh No! I spotted a mistake from paragraph 7.
    'Mustering Courage' should be 'Mustering up my courage'
    Ng Wen Qi

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  25. The compo could interests reader to keep reading on, there is little dead wood and useful vocab for us to apply in our own.


    Berwyn

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