Thursday, August 11, 2011

Composition by Devesh (unedited) - The Fallen Tree


  "Woohoo!" the children in the school bus shouted as another blast of water erupted from the bus. It was a rainy Thursday and we were going home from school. I could not wait to get home as the new "Bakugan Battle Brawlers" season's first episode was airing on Okto and I was a very big fan of the Japanese anime series.
 
                   I glanced out the window to see how far I was from home -- and got a huge shock.
 
                   There was a huge tree lying horizontally on the road, blocking it. I deduced that the tree had blown from its place by the strong winds that always come with a rain. Fortunately for us, the alert bus driver quickly jammed on the brakes. The bus went into a skid and we were lurched forward, but our seatbelts saved us from crashing headfirst into the seats in front of us.
 
                   The bus stopped about 100 metres short of the tree. The driver called the school to inform them of the road blockage. While other students were celebrating this as an excuse to not do their homework (like they would do it anyway), I was afraid that I would miss my TV show! My jaws could not move fast enough to mimic the superspeed nail-biting action depicted in cartoons, so I had no choice but to be content with imagining myself doing that (it would be the same either way).
 
                   The rain showed no signs of abating, and the busy road was now filled with cars, trucks, and even a few lorries. This went on for a while until a crane was finally sighted. It removed the the tree fairly quickly, and we could finally move again. As we started travelling, I caught sight of a car which was slightly grazed by the tree being towed away.
 
                   By the time the bus reached my HDB flat, the rain had been reduced to a drizzle. "Stupid weather," I cursed as I dashed to my house. I took off my shoes, hurriedly said hello to my mother, and turned on the set-top box. A notification appeared on my screen, saying "Now Playing: Club M.A.G.I.C/Yr 3/Ep 5/Local on 108 okto". "Darn it!" I shouted, as I had missed the show I had wanted to watch. But then, another notification appeared on the screen, saying "New Smart TV Record Entry: Bakugan Battle Brawlers/Sr 2/Ep 1 on 108 okto". I was confused. I did not set my set-top box cum DVR to record the show! Then, I heard my mother say, "The school called all parents of children taking the school bus to inform us about the fallen tree, so I recorded the show for you." I smiled and thanked my mother.

15 comments:

  1. Dammit, I just realised that I had put "trucks" and "lorries" in the same sentence!

    Quote:
    The rain showed no signs of abating, and the busy road was now filled with cars, trucks, and even a few lorries.

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  2. I feel that this is to a good compo and I have a lot to learn from it. This is a really creative peice of work and I hope I will be able to right lile this one day. Jonathan Yeo

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  3. Exellent starting and with the brackets, Devesh is a whiz! Humor is a good way of breaking the troubles in. Good job adding in the details from reality.

    Ivan

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  4. Marvelous compo. Very intresting, especially the last paragraph second sentence.

    Maisarah

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  5. This compo Describes everything in detail.Simple but grips the attention of the reader.Has very good adjetives to describe the details.THUMBS UP!

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  6. Maisarah,i think u spelled "intrested" wrongly
    Matthias.

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  7. Devesh, great effort put in and has excellent description on details.
    Ng Wen Qi

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  8. Lovely compo, obviously alot of effort has been put in. Thumbs Up

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  9. Devesh's compo has lots of nice sentences to learn from. I hope that i can write like them and have my compo posted

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  10. This compo has quite a lot of describing words for us to use.we should learn from this compo.

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  11. @Maisarah @Matthias - Both of you have spelt it wrongly! It's "interest".

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  12. Oops. Thanks Devesh!

    Maisarah

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  13. Gd vocab and grammar! I was totally captured by your story
    Khoo Xin hui

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  14. Good vocab! It really caught my attention.
    Gregory

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  15. It was a good compo, there are a lot of good vocab and no died wood.I wish that i could write such good compo.
    *Loo Jia Lin*

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